Team at a Glance
What do they want?
To silence domestic boardroom scandals by proving their robotic endurance can actually produce a World Cup semi-final.
What are they strong at?
Terrifyingly synchronised wave pressing, fuelled entirely by a deep, collective fear of stepping out of line.
What will they show?
A flawlessly shifting defensive block that runs for ninety minutes, desperately praying their captain scores a worldie.
Why are they as they are?
Decades of corporate hierarchies and military conscription forged a squad that views improvisation as absolute treason.
Chance of winning the title?
5%. Completely guaranteed if their European-based forwards can somehow play all eleven positions simultaneously.